People in love make me want to vomit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
a search helicopter?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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