ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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