at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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