I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
