He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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