I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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