Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
