I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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