I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
