she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize