i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
