I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
