I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
