Define "chronic" masturbator.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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