What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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