Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
