We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
