Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
