I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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