I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize