If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
