I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
