I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
