I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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