She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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