when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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