I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ttyl tear gas
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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