I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
