What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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