ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
