I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
