i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
