I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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