You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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