I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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