Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
