the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not ubering you a puppy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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