I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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