did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize