I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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