i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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