Dual....:-)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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