sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
