Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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