Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
