I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
