I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
