I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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