my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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