he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
