weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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