And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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