Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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