Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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