my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
