VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wear drunk well.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
