Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
