She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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