I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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