Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
