I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
