sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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