I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize