So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
