i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
