She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
