i think my mom watched the whole time
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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