I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
