Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
