i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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