So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
