I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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