Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
