If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
