You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
