i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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