Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
