there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
