Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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