Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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