I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
