I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
