he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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