Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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