i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
