What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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