Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize