the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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