IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
