Can i not drive my cunt home
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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