im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I did not marry a roomba.
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