There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
