Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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