He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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