I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
