also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
