between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
