Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
