your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
