I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She's the barista slut.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
